You know what I mean.
Those days when lifting your head off the pillow is difficult.
When you count all your failings and run out of fingers.
When you’re certain – beyond a doubt – that the world is better off without you.
The days when you feel like road kill.
It’s not polite to discuss such things at cocktail parties where everyone is a success, and life is contained in spunky, sound bites, but this is a blog, a place where real feelings live and breath and … change.
What brought this on? Two things. One: My health. I’ve had a lousy cold for a week and mobility issues for four months. The walls are closing in on me. And Two: I’m writing, and it’s hard. Damn hard.
Yes, I am feeling woefully sorry for myself. I keep trying to see the light in this. Am I molting? Am I on the edge of an epiphany?
But then I blow my nose and my world shifts.
Nope, this is not a momentous moment of insight. I’m just plain human. And it’s human to have low points.
We all know the next step. Getting up, brushing the road dirt off my pajamas and carrying on down my winding, bumpy road. The sooner, the better. I can do it. I have done it. Many times.
And still I hesitate, and look at my misery, one last moment. Taste its bitterness. Smell it’s self-absorbed stench. Feel it’s darkness struggling to keep out the light.
And I then let go of it and get out of bed.
If you want some practical advice on motivation check out Marc Chernov’s blog post: 10 Things to Remember When You’ve Lost Your Motivation. He moves beyond kitchy sayings and has good strategies, such as: “It’s not the weight that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it…”