“To be nobody but myself in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make me somebody else – means to fight the hardest battle any human can fight and never stop fighting.” ~ ee cummings
Being yourself is not easy. First, you have to know yourself. Self-awareness is tough. I feel like a big, fat, red onion with a paring knife in my hand. I peel layer after layer away only to find new layers. Tears roll down my cheeks.
I know I’m not alone. One of the things I find hardest in this process is trust. I need to trust that the world will like me. That’s not easy. It’s much easier to hide behind another easily-consumable mask. Today I’m a writer and I can wear funky hats. Yesterday I was a teacher and I practiced frowns. Before that I was a child in an alcoholic home hiding in the shadows pretending everything was okay. I laugh as I look in the mirror. How much of my life is an illusion?
It takes intuition and a lot of courage to slice away the layers of the self. But I believe it’s worthwhile. I need to stop trying to win an Oscar, stop taking on new roles defined by my culture. For, I am in there– somewhere. lol
If not now, when? It’s time to drop the baggage that pulls me down and stay in the present. Easier said than done.
I highlighted all the buzz words in this post in red. Am I donning a new role? That of a New Age yakker? I hope not. There’s enough over-used words echoing in cyberspace until they lose their power. I try to think with my heart. Truly. I laugh at myself.
What happened to the trust?
Aaaah! Words get in the way. What I’m trying to say is that like you, I am trying to be myself, more myself every day. Writing, meditating and thinking are my tools. This blog is part of my journey. And no, there is no app, for life. But there is the joy of living it.
Here are some quotes I like:
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” CG. Jung
“The authentic self is soul made visible.” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach
“Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” ~ Mother Theresa
Love to hear your thoughts.
By the way, my latest book is on sale for two days.