My Christmas Bloopers

Shutterstock Photo
Shutterstock Photo

Are you sick of hearing how perfect everyone’s life is at Christmas time? Then you need a card from me.

I add a “blooper” to my Christmas letter, to make our family news a touch more real. Following a list of happy highlights of our year I put one lowlight. I suspect some readers go straight for that. Here’s what I wrote for the last two years:

2011- Anchored in Pirate’s Cove on a sunny, July day, life seemed perfect. At least twenty boats were moored, enjoying the peace and serenity of Decourcey Island. We were returning from a paddle around the cove. To get back into the sailboat, all I had to do was step out of the dinghy. I’ll just transfer my weight, I told myself, stretching one foot on board the big boat, while one remained on the little one. The two boats parted ways, leaving me attempting the splits in the middle. I fell into the murky chuck. This would not have been such a bad thing except that: 1) swimming in this small cove is like swimming in a toilet bowl, 2) every mariner in the cove was watching and laughing, and 3) it was cold. I scrambled up the slimy rocks on the shore with the agility of a beached whale, and proceeded to walk with as much dignity as I could muster picking seaweed off my clothes.

2012 – Okay, I was stupid. But I was mad. And really it was the mosquitoes fault. Our apartment in Florence filled up with them at night, silent deadly beasts with voracious appetites that ate us alive as soon as we closed our eyes. So Piet bought a citronella dispenser. It cleared the bugs out of the rooms with an acrid smell that burned the inside of my nose and made me nauseous, but didn’t bother Piet. I made it through the night, but by morning I’d had enough. I muttered to my half asleep dearly beloved, who I wanted to strangle, that I was leaving. I thought I’d grab a cappuccino in a restaurant But then I decided to go a bit further…then further still…until three hours and several miles later I had to admit I was truly lost. No map. No Italian. No bus. Lost. Meanwhile, Piet was stuck in the flat with the only set of keys, and a broken cell phone. (The full story is on the blog. It gets much worse before it gets better. Not an adventure I plan on repeating.)  …But at least I didn’t end up covered in seaweed in Pirate’s Cove this time.

Today, I’m writing this years story. My biggest problem is choosing which embarrassing stupid thing I did. There are so many. I think I’ll go with July in New York City.

How about you? What do you include in your Christmas news letter to friends and family?

And now for something completely different, here is a video of a flash mob in Holland. It’s really worth watching.

The Night Watch by Rembrandt (1642) is probably the most famous painting in the Rikjsmuseum which is re-opening in April.

Author: Jo-Ann Carson

Jo-Ann Carson writes a saucy mix of fantasy, adventure and romance. Her latest stories are in the Gambling Ghosts Series: A Highland Ghost for Christmas, A Viking Ghost for Valentine’s Day, Confessions of a Pirate Ghost and The Biker Ghost Meets his Match. An anthology of the novellas will be coming out this summer. Currently she is working on Midnight Magic, A Ghost & Abby Mystery, the first book in a spin-off series from her Viking ghost story. Jo-Ann loves watching sunrises, playing Mah Jong and drinking good coffee. You can chat with her on social media: You can find all her links on her website - http://jo-anncarson.com

11 thoughts on “My Christmas Bloopers”

    1. Hi Joanne
      You’re welcome, and thank you for stopping by and commenting. The blooper is my attempt to make people smile in this busy season.
      Wishing you the best
      Jo-Ann

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  1. You do have interesting adventures, Jo-Ann. I hadn’t read the one about falling in the drink. Yuk! But laughed again at the shortened version of getting lost in Florence. One of the funniest blogs ever and should be read in its entirety by all. LOL I’m such a serious person, I’ll have to give thought to sharing a blooper. I like the idea, but I basically blank those experiences from my memory banks as soon as possible. Perhaps my adventures just aren’t as exciting as yours seem to be. LOL
    Loved the Flash Bob video. Those things are amazing, and this one seems to be a brilliant marketing ploy. I’ll be sharing this. One of your best. Haven’t started my letter yet. But hey, it’s just Dec. 2!

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    1. Marsha
      Thank you. Love your comment, “One of my best,”!!! I needed that.
      I used to wipe my memory bank too, but it seems like I have to do it more often now and some of my silliness sticks around. I’m loving getting older. Never thought I’d say that.
      I imagine you’re gearing up for the holidays with you grandies. We have a school concert coming up. It’s so nice to be in the audience now. lol. Watching my six year old on the stage brings tears to my eyes.
      Best wishes
      Jo-Ann

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  2. My worst Christmas blooper was so unintended. I bought each of the aides at my daughter’s after school program beautiful boxes of my favorite gift soaps. After Christmas, not only did no one say thank you, no one would look at me. It was only afterwards that I realized that to someone from a third world country, my giving them soap had a hidden message. So be careful what you give as gifts!

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  3. Loved the Black Watch flash mob! Adding bloopers to a Xmas letter sounds like such a great way of pulling your readers into your world. Let’s see. There was the year all my Xmas card envelopes were 20 mm. too small and I had to scrape the stamps off with a razor blade, buy new envelopes and rewrite all the addresses so that Canada Post would agree to deliver them. I was choked. it was the one time I was, or rather had been, ahead of schedule too.

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    1. Helena
      Ha ha. Sorry, but I love the image of you scraping with a razor blade. All for 20 mm. It’s so unlike you, not to have it all perfectly organized. I hope your recipients appreciated your effort.
      Hugs
      J

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  4. Christmas lowlights – I love it. I seem to remember a dog chasing a cat through living room. The cat took a flying leap into the tree and – the tree died! What started it all – I have no idea! As for NY I promise never to wear heels there again. I asked the conceirge desk for so many thing that I couldn’t help feeling a twinge of guilt when I got a recent email from them saying their concierge desk now has hair straighteners, a wider array of bandages and things they’ve apparently never felt a need to carry before.

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